Trying to Get Past Valentine's Day

Do you remember when you would pass out valentine's to all your classmates boxes in elementary school? And the worst thing we had to worry about was what flavor candy was attached to the card? Or who was going to get the most..even though we would end up having the same amount? Did you ever give yourself a valentine just for fun, "To: Brittni, From: Brittni". I did, every time. It was cute, it was fun, and it was entirely worth it.

Now why in the hell would I bring back something from my childhood, that probably has no revelation to what I'm about to write about? Probably because writing nonsense is what I do best, and it's Valentine's Day. 

I used to love this holiday. What wasn't to love? Candy, parties, cards, notes, friends, parents, teachers, and fun. No homework, no worries, no emotional attachment to the boy who you wished would give you a special valentine for you, and you only, saying "Will you be my valentine?" and automatically saying yes. Yeah, there used to be none of that, only happy times. Well, I've seemed to really dislike this holiday. You can probably tell why.

I just don't understand how things work anymore. Love is a huge mystery to me. Friends are entirely vague and obsolete right now. Family is something I seem to veer away from at the moment, more like for the rest of my life until I am independently living on my own and only see them for holidays. Life is a journey which I experience each and every day, one that is what seems to be never ending. And anything else in between is just an addition to the mix. One minute you are singing in the shower, expressing how happy you are with everything in your life. The next minute you are torn to pieces because your parents decide to tell you that you're not good enough. Some minute later you are crying to your best friend about your life. Next minute you're dancing to a song that kills you every single time you hear it, and you just try to make it through the day. Another minute you are behind your best friends back making out with her ex. Next minute you don't know where you are in life and just wanna break down, and you do, multiple times. Then another minute goes by and your back to singing in the shower and the cycle repeats with it's various reasons as to why you are doing what you are doing. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves? Well I think the question should be why do I do this to myself? I dawn upon everything I've done wrong, everything that's happened, everything that goes on in my life and take it all in at once. Which kills me, every time.

I think what needs to happen is I really need to grasp this whole concept of letting things go, letting things fall together, and letting things fall apart. Otherwise, I will just find myself sitting here, wrapped in a blanket, alone, and trying to get past Valentine's Day.