I'm not one to cry a whole lot. I mean come on, first of all it isn't pretty, second of all it isn't fun, and third of all it's just not my thing. Yeah, I cry during movies, all the time, just not when I am actually on the verge of total sadness. But I've learned that it is totally okay to cry. Honestly, makes you feel a lot better then bottling everything up and waiting for the right person to set you off on a rampage of anger, guilt, denial, tears, and embarrassment. Crying kind of makes it all better, at least makes you feel better. Too bad I didn't really understand this whole concept until after I had my meltdown.
Sitting alone in my room, blasting music, and texting anyone I can think of but not receiving any texts back, isn't really the best way to finish off a wonderful day. Well, fighting with your mother, crying on the bus home, and releasing your feelings to your bus buddy isn't a great way to even get to this point. Because that is what happened. I just kept it all bottled up inside, my mother ruined my plans and screamed through the phone at me, and all tears fell lose from my eyes. Feelings I have kept boiling inside my mind were let loose and words I can't take back were spoken. When I got home finally, nothing had really gotten any better. Like I said before I was alone in my room, blasting music, and no one really wanted to talk to me. So I guess it took my entire emotional break down to help me break through my tragic moment.
I used to have a lot of really close friends and two prime best friends. Well, those close friends were lost due to high school; drama, lies, and boyfriends. The two best friends, K.Rose and P.Prosser, well Rose and I sort of just separated through our different groups of friends along with all the drama that came along with it. I said tons of things to her I regret and we found our way back to each other just this year, well our junior year of high school. Prosser on the other hand, we never really lost touch. The only fact of the matter was that she had moved hours away and we can't really literally "be there" for each other or see each other that often. But don't worry, I'm not a loner. I was once close friends with this girl, E.Davis, and this year was the start of our adventurous friendship, but back to the fact of the matter.
While in the midst of tears and breaking down, I had that break through moment. I had already informed Rose of my situation at that moment, telling her I was upset, fighting with my mom, not all emotionally or mentally there at the moment; she understood what was going on. Once I had cleared my eyes well enough to see the tiny letters of my keypad on my phone, I started to text her. I confessed to basically being a bitch to her over the years, to letting our friendship get to where it was, to admitting I missed how we used to be, how I value us as friends, and how I would absolutely love her forever if we could just start over. Without a doubt she felt the same way, and now we are on the way to recovering our friendship we once had. So this all made me realize that that moment came from the epitome of me breaking down, but I finally broke through.
All I have left to say is this:
-it's okay to cry
-breaking down leads to tremendous break throughs
-friends are fragile and limited, keep them close
-and always make sure to never, ever bottle that up...or you might just kill someone.
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